Jesus in Animal, Bird and Insect Representation

The BEE is representative of Christ, as it reproduces itself through the process of parthenogenesis, retaining its virginity. So it is a Holy thing, the BEE. BUTTERFLIES, because they emerge from a chrysalis, and subsequently fly high above the gaping maw of man, also symbolise Christ, so they are Holy things, the BUTTERFLIES. Holiest of all however, is the big COCK of Jesus. The COCK is seen often with Jesus, because it is the COCK that awakens the sleeping world each day. Thus, the COCK symbolises daybreak, and as such, the new dawn of Light on the World, as seen in the great COCK, outlined against the sky. Yes, Jesus and his COCK, a formidable combination. "Early to bed and up with the cock," as Matthew once said. As he examined a COCK.

The presence of the Holy Spirit is also represented by the DOVE, which symbolises man's reconciliation with God, a feat not achievable through the stiff medium of the COCK.

The EAGLE is the King of Birds, and was said to be able to look right at the sun without diverting its gaze, something a COCK could never manage. Thus, flying like a COCK, the eagle, is a potent image of Christ.

The STAG represents Christ for its antlers renew each year, rising from the flaccid state of their origin, to stand proud as erect COCKS. Similarly, Christ draws man out of the chaos of the deep (occasionally using His COCK as a life-line).

The LAMB is the symbol of Christ because of Passover, when the Jews commemorated deliverance from Egypt. This is because the blood of a lamb painted on their doorways guaranteed the salvation of the Jews. The LAMB then is a symbol of the resurrected and living Christ, who is proud as a COCK, as he rears his little round head.

The LION is a symbol of resurrection because according to legend, the lion's cubs are born dead and have life breathed into them. Jesus, that big COCK of a fellow, was referred to as "the Lion of the tribe of Judah", and was as fearsome to his opponents as a wild roaring COCK.

The PELICAN symbolises Jesus, because unlike the COCK, it feeds its young, on its own blood. Thus, the PELICAN symbolises the sacrifice of Christ on the Cross, as the blood flows out, very like a spurting COCK, in a way.

The PHOENIX, is likened unto a COCK also, or a host of pouting COCKS, for its is also a symbol of Jesus. Yes, like a COCK, even the PHOENIX is identified with the thrust of Jesus' word, and also like a COCK, the PHOENIX erupts in a salivous explosion of religious ecstasy, relieving all that adore Him, of their COCKY FLUIDS.

And these are the ANIMALS, famous because they represent Jesus both in picture and in word.

Difficult Books

There are no difficult books just difficult authors, all bunged up to Hegel with systematic, deliberate obfuscation, intent on a Freemasonry of Fictive Arts, or much more likely, an exegesis of Fictive Frameworks so covert as to be ciphered for a public the size of a Seminar.

Read more: Difficult Books

Willie Miller

He came out of the North, sporting a batter caked moustache, and they called him the foot-warrior, for the immense damage he did with his professionally pedicured feet. He ate nought but pearl barley until Saturday came and then, strongly reminiscent of a torpedo leaving the tube of a submarine, he would shoot up the tunnel and make red minced meat of Celtic Football Club.

They called him Wullie, and with almost no adjectives at all, he would one day take control of the Scottish airwaves .... but back then .... he was a flash of red, the flame gun of the north as he trotted down Tommy McLean's balls and knocked them off for a throw in, bursting forth a gob of spit in the process, uttering hissing sounds, and establishing the status quo ante of what was then, the professional game.

They called him Wullie, and soon he was to open a pub, and a chipper, and with this wondrous empire, people feared he had captured the entire leisure market, but the substance of his business deals were as transparent as his game .... and with the weight gain of Harper threatening to crush him, Wullie made straight  for Glasgow, causing a wedge shaped furrow to form through Scotland in his wake.

It was in Glasgow where Wullie was noticed by the sacred cow eyes of Craigie Brown, and it was also here that, due to his phlegmatic and unexcitable nature, he became the Big Man's next choice as the Leader of Scotland .... and so the foot-warrior, exempt from all obligations to BBC Scotland, contrived his way forward, and lead the boys on from interview to interview, until the people as a whole were all sick to death of the game, and turned instead to basketball, which at least had cheer-leaders after all ....

Burnett's Holy Fowl

Bernard (Saint) - (d. 1153) Founder of the Cistercian order but best loved as an opponent of Peter Abelard, Bernard of Clairvaux boldly borrowed quotations from the Cluniacs to make himself famous. His guitar playing and populist approach saw him commissioned to stir up solid peasant hatred during the Second Crusade in France and Germany, and he was canonized for this spreading of undue intolerance. He was named Doctor mellifluus, the "honey-sweet teacher", for the fine education he gave to young Wayne of Perth

Cuthbert (Saint) (b. circa 634, d 687) Visions as a sheep tending lad ensured a life of national travel and celebrity for this one time bishop of Lindisfarne. Why British people developed an interest in disturbing his remains after he died is unclear - but Bede describes how Cuthbert's body remained intact, his clothes unsullied and his hair neatly brushed after many years underground. Not forever though - mankind lost faith - and when Cuthbert was dug up again in 1827 - he were but bones.

Gandhi, Mahatma (b. 1869)  Studied law at Oxford and crowd control in India. Left Europe to get away from photographs of James Joyce. Was killed en route to prayer in 1948 and has been watched on film by many an audience of disbelieving cineastes. "Look at the state of those rags!"

Read more: Burnett's Holy Fowl

Another Literature Sector Plan

If, in your haste, you have momentary consciousness then please peruse this link to the Corporate Plan our New Reading of Literature and Arts for a Model Scots Youth.

Read more: Another Literature Sector Plan

From My Home Planet

Some images from my home planet.  Each one of us on that planet is unique, even if that uniqueness is explained in terms of their different genes, memes and environment rather than their separate inner consciousnesses, which are all largely constructed the same.  All the beings on that planet were in fact created by natural selection, and their creativity operates on the same system, using these memes, which are the units of cultural information, sort of like genes for culture.  So you may think that these images represent actual people or beings on my planet, but they are in fact nothing more threatening than memes competing in a pointless universe.


Brian Baxter's Party

Are you going to Brian Baxter's party said Terry and I said EH Brian Baxter's pairty like? and he says AYE it's this weekend and I says EH and Terry says AYE MIN Brian Baxter says that it's his party LIKE this weekend and I just says well it's NAE LIKE I WANT TO GO OR ANYTHING and Terry says NIH and I didn't think you would LIKE and then I said well what the fucker you telling me for LIKE? and Terry says well I just said I would like to Brian Baxter’s like and I said EH WELL THEN and goes down to the offie like thinking that if it was Brian Baxter's pairty LIKE I'd better get to the offie fast before Brian Baxter's guests get there and fucking buy all the booze and I was laughing thinking that's MENTAL imagine if all the booze had been bought from the offie like and I was LAUGHING and thinking aye the FAGS AND ALL.

Read more: Brian Baxter's Party

Second Hymn to Lenin

Second Hymn to Lenin by Hugh MacDiarmid

Read more: Second Hymn to Lenin

This is Downcome

This is Downcome, a font designed by Eduardo Recife. In the spirit of the age and in line with other open source software, Eduardo Recife allows anybody to use his font, and all he asks is that he be acknowledged.  As a bonus, if anyone can be bothered, Eduardo asks politely to be gifted any books, CDs etc that may make use of his font.  That is the idea, but the practice is sadly lacking.

Read more: This is Downcome

Glasgow's Charing Cross

The story is that the original planners, when they willed the giant motorway under the town, wished to dig a tunnel for the cars so that none of the domestic harmony created by the several thousand adjacent hovels on the ground would have to be touched.

Here we are at Charing Cross in Glasgow and so much for that, because they tore them down. Two birds and one stone, old hovels gone away and new motorway placed in an analytic line from North to South.

The swathe of town they cut was over 100 metres wide, and at the point where I stand (and memorise this composition) the motorway is eight lanes deep and runs about thirty metres below ground level. The noise of all these engines thrashing at once is what attracted the planners to build this . . . yes, that and the fact that it may never stop.

I Sling From the Waist with Pawing


I sling from the waist with pawing, but I don't just sit here drawing. Next time I plan to release the beasts I'll give you a call first. But not this time because there'll be no warning. People flip, switch, some turn fake about some nonsense correspondence that I just can't relate to. Or they go mad in their cars. The word cashflow sounds funny to me but if you can watch money change hands then it doesn't matter what type or range of shit you talk cause you ain't got to prove that life twists and turns and makes you crazy to make it work. Flip people flip, take switch, some turn fake about their true and inner centre, when it's cows that have given them this dementia.

Read more: I Sling From the Waist with Pawing

Opera and Ballet


67 seats in a row
Box Office : 0121 POOP

Ballet plus Swalley
“Edible” FT
Wed (last perv) 7.30

Tue (Last perv)
“Ruddy” TIMES

First UK Performance of
“Don’t miss the pan when peeing at the interval” TIMES
Thurs (First perv) 6.30

Autumn Losses

There have been some dreadful losses this autumn.

Our much derided minister, Rev Peter Burnett was unluckily killed when his collection of the complete works of John Calvin fell from their shelf above his bed while he was shagging young Elsie Deens and cracked his skull, thus cheating him of his first sexual climax since taking the (slightly soiled) cloth. 

Read more: Autumn Losses

Conference Delegate's Notes

Dear Delegate,

This year’s conference will follow this agenda:


Registration - on arrival please make your way to the Strathchunty hall where you will need to check in at the registration desks. Our conference team will be there to provide you with conference clothing.

Coffee - Move to the Fixed Mercury room for coffee and miniature Danish pastries.

Seminar - The Frippery of the Elves Revealed. A presentation by the court of the Elf King.

Coffee Interval - During coffee in the Killy Lounge, the elves will be on hand to answer general questions.

Read more: Conference Delegate's Notes

Are the Scottish Documentary Film Institute Cheating Us?

I don't always want to be the one harping on about how public money is wasted on the arts, but it seems that the 2016 work of the Scottish Documentary Film Institute is going to drag my knuckles across the desk to the keyboard, so that I can commence with another rant.

I mean - - the fact that Creative Scotland can actually fund these guys to the tune of about £17,000 for each one minute video is insane, but that only becomes apparent when you actually see any of their work.  Having searched for the Scottish Documentary Film Institute (SDFI) I can also say they seem to be pretty well hidden, too, often hiding behind claims that their work 'needs to be secret to be effective.'

Read more: Are the Scottish Documentary Film Institute Cheating Us?

Pedro Crashes Out

Passengers on one of Peter Burnett's delightful Skip Canyon Flys were stunned last week when Peter suddenly aimed the Cessner he was piloting straight for the pines. 

Abruptly turning his light aircraft into a nose dive, and staring into the timber, Peter smiled his leathered face for the very last time.

Passengers were held securely in their berths as the aeroplane tumbled towards the hillside, where Peter aimed to sandwich it between the porch of his ex-wife's Sierra County retreat, and her nearby chicken run.

The passengers screamed loudly, and the final process of their deaths took a total 24 seconds. In the wreckage of the house, the eerie ruins of Peter's plane were later found to contain traces of tears and urine, and on Peter's face itself, a lot of human spit.

There is an undefinable air of nostalgia in the wild landscape now. Sierra County comprises not only beautiful scenery but tragic memories. Click here if you wish to travel further and partake of the journey, as a qualified and emotionally  stable team of experts take you through the ruins.   

Its Simple Form a City

Wherever you stand in Aberdeen, the crime's identical : the Schemes and Projects constructed for the poor are laid out with the methodology of state planned poverty and have been designed by student architects who have only an hour to finish their thirteen-storey plans …. whereas the houses of the polite are thick walled and comfortable, well organised and laid out behind floral and gravel gardens.

It's nice in Aberdeen and in the North the living's gentle, but on the chill southern side of the River Dee, a greater caution must be taken.

Here is where technology fails. Maybe any town is the same but the intention is at its greatest in Aberdeen, for it was this deliberately divided Scottish city that invented the idea of separation, the theory of Cream and Milk.

Seen from the air and approached with red pens, the planning function is simple and a thematic map of Aberdeen develops fast. The harbour holds the fishing and the oil fleets and to the south of the harbour are the inarticulate tenements of the labour employed in these areas, along with the prison, the scrap yards, the dumps and the sheds and warehouses of all residual industry.

To the north of the River Dee is the City Centre of Aberdeen, the administration of the town, and here are many restaurants, shops, and insurance offices …. while ranged into the hills behind the City Centre are the poxy villas and cottages of suburbia.

Living here in the north, brows don't ever tend to knit from one week to the next, and just so, living away from their hated poor, this is how the bourgeois creates his geography and builds in its simple form : a City.