This is Franz Kafka Speaking

"Altogether, I think we ought to read only books that bite and sting us. If the book we are reading does not shake us awake like a blow on the skull, why bother reading it in the first place? So that it can make us happy, as you put it? Good God, we'd be just as happy if we had no books at all; books that make us happy we could, at a pinch, also write ourselves. What we need are books that hit us like the most painful misfortune … that make us feel as though we had been banished to the woods … a book must be an axe for the frozen sea within us. That is what I believe."

Stealing Fire

Stealing Fire, by Craig Sterling Published poet and thriller writer James W Wood, was printed by myself in 2011.

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Mid pig ... bannock … heifer … slum … pie … and of course, cow …

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Difficult Books

There are no difficult books just difficult authors, all bunged up to Hegel with systematic, deliberate obfuscation, intent on a Freemasonry of Fictive Arts, or much more likely, an exegesis of Fictive Frameworks so covert as to be ciphered for a public the size of a Seminar.

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Le Saviez Vous Les "Boozy Sportsmen"?

Peter Burnett mêle en deux heures beaucoup de culture et divertissement dans les pubs d'Eccosee! Ce tour des pubs vous révélera à travers anecdotes des grands pish écossais.

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The Beggar's Benison Founding Members

Filed under 'Sex Clubs of the Enlightenment', The Beggar's Benison was a drinking club in Anstruther, Fife, which lasted from its establishment in until 1836.

The Beggar's Benison is famous now for the collective masturbation of its members, something that made up a part of the intititaion ceremony.  The club's members were basically from the upper classes of Fife society, being landowners, merchants and customs contrololers and the like, and they dined and drank together, and related obscene songs and toasts. Much of their purpose of the club was the discussion of sex and anatomy, and the club had a stock of pornography as well as a habit of hiring naked "posture girls" for the members to examine.

This is a list of the Club's Founding Members, as related in a document titled



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Are the Scottish Documentary Film Institute Cheating Us?

I don't always want to be the one harping on about how public money is wasted on the arts, but it seems that the 2016 work of the Scottish Documentary Film Institute is going to drag my knuckles across the desk to the keyboard, so that I can commence with another rant.

I mean - - the fact that Creative Scotland can actually fund these guys to the tune of about £17,000 for each one minute video is insane, but that only becomes apparent when you actually see any of their work.  Having searched for the Scottish Documentary Film Institute (SDFI) I can also say they seem to be pretty well hidden, too, often hiding behind claims that their work 'needs to be secret to be effective.'

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Questions Time

Certainly it will elucidate the drift of the foregoing obscure utterances of this blog if I here insert something of our webhost’s speculations on party politics.  To state an entire opinion on this is beyond my compass however let me observe this that nowhere is a human more mysterious, impalpable, than in his or her fantasy of being the organ of the Godlike. 

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Warrants for Torrents

Torrents have been around for ages now, and are almost ancient history. Do you remember the music file sharing site Napster?

A torrent is a tiny file you download and that will direct your computer to other computers. A popular one is Like Project Free TV, and many other legal or barely legal sites, Torrentz doesn't host the torrent files, it just directs you to the sites that host the torrents, and this means it is able to give a lot of results.

Once the torrent file is downloaded, you need to add it to a downloader, such as a program called uTorrent. uTorrent is small but very powerful and when your torrent file is added to it, it will start finding other computers that are sharing the TV show or movie. This way a 1 hour HD episode of a show or film can be downloaded in under half an hour.

Is it the case that the moguls of the Twentieth Century are watching this process carry on, and wondering what massive and overwhelming operation they can conceive of to crush it? Not to defend the torrent users, but they cannot.

Thus it is probably up to us a collective entity of producers, artists, distributors and users to come together with new models.

It’s happening already. New models are being tried and are working at the grassroots level, meaning they will work too when they evolve further up the chain.

Writers sometimes give away e-books for free and generate audiences for their paid works, or public appearances.

The band Death Grips had their third album downloaded an amazing 30 million times — because they released it for free. It worked for them — what would work for you?

Bitten by a Table

I gripped the table for support as everybody squeezed in - - and at that moment the first dishes were passed along.

Peter? someone said my name and the first plate landed on my left. I couldn't believe how hot the surface of the table had become, I figured that at this heat, a table of this sort should at least have melted or buckled. As my hand stuck to the hot table and peoples' voices merged so slowly that they went from speaking English into something new and foreign, I knew that I was unable to move.

The hostess squeezed a lemon over my starter. The lemon was bled, big and thick tears came out of it, a pip slipped on the seafood. People were eating down at the other end - - again someone spoke to me - the sound swelled - - others rubbed their fingers and tipped their glasses back and the nub of the table pressed itself into my body. A table leg shivered against my own which felt too weak to move or fight. The window was steaming up more's the pity - - I could still see enough glitter and spark from the cold however, and I made to stand up, apologising to those nearby.

The table gouged me - - it bit me I say - - wooden teeth seized my leg and tore  - - and that's when I tried to get up again.

I'll be remembered for pulling my plate and my neighbour's plate and two glasses of wine to the floor with me, where I stayed impressed upon the memories of all who saw me there.

Every face was a lamp above me - - the fire blistered in the grate - - I was picked up but at last I could manage myself, and I said thank you as they moved me to another room, where I rolled up my trouser and saw that indeed, there were really crude teeth marks there.

What Is Psychogeography?


First let's be clear that you are unlikely to locate an answer to that question on this site. 

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Goliards United


Following Wales and England's Mad Former Great British Brexit from the EU (what's the EU?!) the manic depressives of Europe have gathered their best players and will be entering them into the World Cup Finals.  So far the team is as follows:

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A New Sports Journal

I thought of signing you up for a new sporting digest I would create called "Aiyya My Knee."

There is purpose, there is direction, there were two reasons.

1. My present unhealthy fascination with a group of tricolour-waving Vatican Storm-troopers masquerading as a football team in the East End of Glasgow.

2. The joys of reading echt-Anglo-Scots as purveyed by a genuine Sub-polar crazed sportswriter, and not that of irredeemably fey Cambridge educated fictionalists and allied poetasters.

However, I have taken pity on you and have decided to keep football as a solitary vice - which is after all, the way I like my vice - like the cattle prod and the two female iguanas I haven't got round to telling you about. It is a very gross tableau. Once more you are spared.

IRL Books

IT is a great pity that there should be so many distinct enemies at work for the destruction of the IRL book and that they should so often be allowed to work out their inevitable end.

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Mutation / Aspects

MUTATION:  Charm: With this power, you can exude a pheromone that makes all humans in the area trusting, happy, and generous. Honest, too. You're not completely immune to your own power, however!

SOCIETY:  Death Leopard: The Death Leopards do whatever they can to have fun.  That's what it's all about, right? And what's more fun than explosions, gunfire, and wreckin' shit?!

Your mission today is to set fire to at least five things and/or three people. You've got a pocket full of IgnaLight Stickers just for that purpose.  Just stick one to something, scratch it, and... Well, at that point try to get a few feet away.

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I submitted the title for my thesis to the department, offering them a work-proposed as, "Marcion Was Right". When I was called to the Dean's office, he told me that there would have be some major changes.

"It's not so much the sentiment," he said, "rather the brevity of the title is the complicating factor. Such a straightforwardly theological perspective, would really have to be out into more words than just those three."

As it happened, there was no appetite for my work, and a severe lack of funding. I returned to church but they had heard what I had done and stared me out for my boldness.

Another Call to Legalise Shoplifting

I ask you: you cannot really want to read Sir Philip Sidney?

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