- Written by Peter Burnett Peter Burnett
The Three Cardinal Rules of THE HIGHWAY CODE are * :
1. Wave your arms in order to get the driver to slow down.
2. Drivers : try not to cram your mouth with pies while driving. You will not be able to speak on your mobile phone.
3. Always follow the car in front unless they are driving right at you.
TRAIN RIDE: Some tea some tea with milk and sugar, the ticket inspector's holstered Lüger, this is the Mirror that carries the man back to his day in Aberdeen or Heyford way, that chap must fly across the land on moral rails you understand, to get his whooshing scenr'y hiss, to spray the chunties with his piss, to Berwick with his postal order presenting cheques to cross the border, fleeing from well-set Edinburgh where wank perfection's always thorough where croissant shaped the city style where minkers line the Royal Mile, he bumps through England now upon the train INSANE! he now believes!
IN THE MAIL: Several brochures saying that a twelve year anti corrosion warranty, together with major service intervals and a comprehensive customer care package could all be yours, provided you chose the right of 2 lands (Romans 10 to 9 "Believe it with your Head" ) put your sexual chocolate on the market and inflate your sunken rib-cage in order to opt for the burred wood gear lever knob and the Votex 7 spoke alloy wheels, the colour keyed front and rear bumpers and front centre arm rest, all included but all exclusive of fleet management fees, sales assistance and leaseback.
* A full range of credit facilities are available, ranging from Death on a Stick to Purloin Purchasing agreements linked to a variable Finance House base rate, using current Shit Adjustment Tables, while you operate your vehicle privately, and go mental at the wheel, allowing you great peace of mind, and a wide choice of mileages, to satisfy your rampant outward urge, as you attach yourself firmly to the aluminium trim strips, opt for retractable rear centre lap belts, front bumper integrated rear screen aerials, Sienna upholstery, Competition-Standard alloy nut and beef toppings, and automatic handbag release.