• Burnett's Holy Fowl

    Bernard (Saint) - (d. 1153) Founder of the Cistercian order but best loved as an opponent of Peter Abelard, Bernard of Clairvaux boldly borrowed quotations from the Cluniacs to make himself famous. His guitar playing and populist approach saw him commissioned to stir up solid peasant hatred during the Second Crusade in France and Germany, and he was canonized for this spreading of undue intolerance. He was named Doctor mellifluus, the "honey-sweet teacher", for the fine education he gave to young Wayne of Perth

    Cuthbert (Saint) (b. circa 634, d 687) Visions as a sheep tending lad ensured a life of national travel and celebrity for this one time bishop of Lindisfarne. Why British people developed an interest in disturbing his remains after he died is unclear - but Bede describes how Cuthbert's body remained intact, his clothes unsullied and his hair neatly brushed after many years underground. Not forever though - mankind lost faith - and when Cuthbert was dug up again in 1827 - he were but bones.

    Gandhi, Mahatma (b. 1869)  Studied law at Oxford and crowd control in India. Left Europe to get away from photographs of James Joyce. Was killed en route to prayer in 1948 and has been watched on film by many an audience of disbelieving cineastes. "Look at the state of those rags!"

  • God's Website

    God's website displayed pictures of starving women in order for you to give money. Before I met God, I knew that he was a business-man although I never knew what he sold. I did know that he devoted an enormous amount of action to the people who listened to him.

    Better still, the fact that people thought that God was a charlatan and called him that, made him all the more appealing. It made God almost necessary in a world that is devoid of any voice but the consensus.

    I had to give it to God then, he had his own angle on the problems of the world. God had an angle, even though his attitude to protest was to agree with it, wholesale.

    "What God doesn't see," said the most recent coment on the website, "is that God's followers are contradicting everything that God says with direct inaction."

    "Direct inaction?" I typed beneath.

    "Yes," was the reply.  "The problem of God is one of world-view."

  • In Scythia with Herodotus


    "First, however, I must mention that HEMP grows here … It grows wild as well as under cultivation … And now for the Vapour Bath... : on a framework of sticks, meeting at the top, they stretch pieces of woollen cloth, taking care to get the joins as perfect as they can, and inside … they put a dish of red hot stones. Then they take some HEMP SEEDS, creep into the tent, and throw the seed on the stones. At once it begins to smoke, releasing a VAPOUR unsurpassed by anything one could find in Greece.  The Scythians enjoy it so much that they howl with PLEASURE."  (Herodotus)

    Thus in 450 BC, two and half millennia before any politician first clenched a buttock in mock anger, the ancients were pleased to be at it in classical and innocent fashion.


  • Jesus in Animal, Bird and Insect Representation

    The BEE is representative of Christ, as it reproduces itself through the process of parthenogenesis, retaining its virginity. So it is a Holy thing, the BEE. BUTTERFLIES, because they emerge from a chrysalis, and subsequently fly high above the gaping maw of man, also symbolise Christ, so they are Holy things, the BUTTERFLIES. The cock is seen often with Jesus, because it is the cock that awakens the sleeping world each day. Thus, the cock symbolises daybreak, and as such, the new dawn of Light on the World, as seen in the great cock, outlined against the sky, on our cereal boxes. Yes, Jesus and his COCK, a formidable combination. "Early to bed and up with the cock," as Matthew once said.

  • The God of The Market

    In the office I used to work in, which was that of a fund manager, we used mystical language and our boss was a priest — which made us templars, or attendants or something grand like that.   Following the market was like working in silent contemplation of universal movements. The mystery unfolded the public got its eschatology. There was only one God and it was the God of Mass Turbulence, that was what I called The God of The Market.  

    A giant litter was drawn across our cities and we all fed from it, even the broken and the hungry, bless them. Even the broken and the hungry could afford the basic hamburger, the basic clothing on street display all hours.

    There was only one God, and I knew it because I worked in that God’s temple. We weren't greedy about money, we were merely worshipful. We wore the temple uniform and worked under the rationally legitimated worship of the One God. So what if everyone in the industry were heinous shits? We had our world and our business was joyful worship of the illuminating and ever rolling God of Mass Turbulence. And that is the story of myself, working in Fund Management.