Who is Topiary? The exact identity of this mysterious figure from the darknet is unknown to all but the most hardcore of the popo who have been interrogating various teenagers and informants on the subject since 1971, when the internet began.

Still, with extreme hacking prowess, Topiary, or the many and various Topiaries, Topiarists, and other 30 year old virgins and unemployed neckbeards, managed to free the world from ignorance by introducing the concepts of zero punctuation and butthurt to social media, and sql injecting huge websites where they had no business.  This is nothing to do with the #freetopiary book, but serves to illustrate how rumours can get out of control.

Occasionally assorted channers and partyvanners produce videos which are intended to scare the general public into closing their laptops and reading books instead.  Mostly these angry videos feature omenous music, and the words 'we do not forget' and spelling so bad that 'dorner' and 'droner' are virtually interchangeable.

Most people are interested only in fixing their hedges to look nice, and this is much closer to the true face of the internet.