For Ten Years This Important Image Lay on the Homepage of My Website

 

Peter Burnett

to survive a destructive book is no less painful
for the reader than for the author
 
Featured Volumes:
 
LF Celine: Voyage to the End of the Night / Death on Credit / Guignol's Band / Rigadon
 
Wyndham Lewis: Men Without Art / The Complete Wild Body / The Apes of God
 
Giacomo Leopardi: Operette Morali
 
Thomas Bernhard: The Loser / The Voice Imitator / Extinction / Gathering Evidence / Wittgenstein's Nephew

 

Lager Shanty

Lager Shanty: In that order.  Another evening of wein, weib und gesang in Sordid Glasgow.  And after "Gies a Tune" with DJ Malky Brogan on Radio Clype, and the flicking back and forth of the television in a yawning half-contemptuous manner, what could we do other than run up the starry path to meet Oblivion coming down? Later on, this typical Glasgow scene comes complete with the two shandied lovers slipping each others' tight leashes to go separately in the night, each to an off-sales of their choosing, for more of the Same.

Enthusiasm Bores Me

Happy climacteric! What news from along the Rialto? Little or none - other than I continue to ignore good advice. Be not solitarie, Be not idle. And I pay the price in black bile, and further my apprenticeship (long and tiresome) in lycanthropy by dint of correspondence (shouting) with the screen.

Read more: Enthusiasm Bores Me

In Scythia with Herodotus

 

"First, however, I must mention that HEMP grows here … It grows wild as well as under cultivation … And now for the Vapour Bath ... : on a framework of sticks, meeting at the top, they stretch pieces of woollen cloth, taking care to get the joins as perfect as they can, and inside … they put a dish of red hot stones. Then they take some HEMP SEEDS, creep into the tent, and throw the seed on the stones. At once it begins to smoke, releasing a VAPOUR unsurpassed by anything one could find in Greece.  The Scythians enjoy it so much that they howl with PLEASURE."  (Herodotus)

Thus in 450 BC, two and half millennia before any politician first clenched a buttock in mock anger, the ancients were pleased to be at it in classical and innocent fashion.

 

The Lovely Manger (Hymn)

Hymn number 145

The Lovely Manger

Soft as whisper
So precious and sweet
Tiny perfection
From his head to her feet

His dad is the God of
Our Heaven and Earth,
Investing his effort,
And reaping his worth,
Signed for the season
He maketh a shine,
He's God, and his love will,
Explode like a mine.

Read more: The Lovely Manger (Hymn)

Grace Upon the Lord of Christmas (Hymn)

Hymn Number 32 :

Grace Upon the Lord of Christmas

Grace upon the lord of Christmas,
Blessings on his head we heap
Harvest time is over people
Winter's crop we yearly reap.
Find a way to Season's wishes
Turkey breast and bacon dishes.

Jesus wept to see the Christians,
Fight like they were foreign strangers,
Christmas barneys in the city
Parkhead : Celtic, Ibrox : Rangers
Papistry is throwing bottles
Holds the neck he gently throttles.

Festive longings we are feeling,
Underneath the Christmas Star,
What a wonder is the Christ-child
Baby Jesus Motor Car
Driving you I feel much bolder
Satan's children : the hard shoulder.

Christmas wishes we are sending
To our brethren round the earth.
Turkey cake and dumpling Mary
Four pound fifty's what it's worth
Blessings on the Virgin Mary
Shave your children, they are hairy.

AMEN

The Drinkard's Aberdoniensis

This is published with The Combined Technical Jargon of Bev

These are all words and phrases which we have picked up from researches into the Scottish-Aberdonian way of speaking. We are three American students from New York who are in Scotland because of the unique words which they use here, and the Peter Burnett Website has let us publish what we have collected so far.

Read more: The Drinkard's Aberdoniensis

Mutter Küsters' Fahrt zum Himmel

Mutter Küsters' Fahrt zum Himmel (1975).  Rainer Werner Fassbinder, starring  Brigitte Mira, Ingrid Caven, Karlheinz Böhm and Margit Carstensen.

Read more: Mutter Küsters' Fahrt zum Himmel

Why My Books May Require Viewers

Realists polish their lenses to capture the multifarious aspects of the external world. They pride themselves upon the soundness and the sanity of their vision. Realist writers never doubt the totality of the objective world.

But there are others! These writers are not so well appreciated, it is true, but they cultivate the inner vision, abandon the paved highway of standardised points of view, brave the quick-sands of non-conformity, and seek their own path through the quagmires of subjectivity.

Read more: Why My Books May Require Viewers

The Range of the Awful Hand

The Range of the Awful Hand is a range of hills in the Southern Uplands of Scotland, so called due to their resemblance to the fingers of a hand...

It's also the name of a band from Edinburgh, two members of which were formerly in Gilded Lil (check this Gilded Lil playlist if in any doubt as to the genius of that bunch.)

 

Range of the Awful Hand

 

Download recent stuff from The Range of the Awful Hand here.

The Range of the Awful Hand

The River Ythan and the Crown of Scotland

Buchan — Ythan — Forgue — the Kirkhill of Logie — and the Soorick Burn — the source of the pearl that is found in the Crown of Scotland.

The Ythan — or Ituna as it was known to the Romans — rises in the upper parish of Forgue, from three springs which are collectively known as the Wells of Ythan.  Half a mile from these springs, the Ythan receives its first tributary, the burn of the Sorrel — in Doric known as the Soorick Burn.  This is near the base of the Kirkhill of Logie, at the summit of which are the final remains of three druidical circles.

It is perhaps surprising to some people that in this remote area of North East Scotland, there were both Romans and Druids — but there were.  Both Romans and Druids in their ways were in the business of setting boundaries, and near this spot at the Mill of Knockleith is where the Ythan begins to form that for which it is still known — the boundary of Buchan.

At one time, the Ythan was known for its mussels — called pearl oysters — and in the list of unpublished Acts of Parliament of Charles I, there is one “for repeating the patent for the pearl-fishery in the Ythan, granted to Robert Buchan.”

 

 

There is a tradition in fact that large pearl in the crown of Scotland was procured in the Ythan, the story being that it was found at the junction of the Water of Kelly (spit, spit) and the Ythan, and was presented to James IV in 1620 by Sir Thomas Menzies of Cults.

Skene, in his Succinct View of Aberdeen, says that it was “for beauty and bigness, the best that was at any time found in Scotland.”

On account of these pearls which were found in the Ythan, the river was once called “the rich rig of Scotland” and although pearls are still found there, there is no regular fishery for them.

A Note on the Crown of Scotland

The Crown of Scotland is very old indeed.  The Crown was remade in its current form for King James V of Scotland  in 1540. It is part of the Honours of Scotland which is the oldest set of royal regalia in the United Kingdom. 

In 1540, the bonnet of velvet and ermine was added to the crown, but an earlier form of the crown is shown in the portrait of James IV of Scotland  in the Book of Hours, done for his marriage to Margaret Tudor in 1503. 

This 1503 date is the earliest known reference to the crown and so 1503 is thus the latest date of original manufacture of the crown.

The Crown of Scotland on Wikipedia

The Highway Code

 

The Three Cardinal Rules of THE HIGHWAY CODE are * :

 

1.    Wave your arms in order to get the driver to slow down.

2.    Drivers : try not to cram your mouth with pies while driving. You will not be able to speak on your mobile phone.

3.    Always follow the car in front unless they are driving right at you.

TRAIN RIDE: Some tea some tea with milk and sugar, the ticket inspector's holstered Lüger, this is the Mirror that carries the man back to his day in Aberdeen or Heyford way, that chap must fly across the land on moral rails you understand, to get his whooshing scenr'y hiss, to spray the chunties with his piss, to Berwick with his postal order presenting cheques to cross the border, fleeing from well-set Edinburgh where wank perfection's always thorough where croissant shaped the city style where minkers line the Royal Mile, he bumps through England now upon the train INSANE! he now believes!

IN THE MAIL: Several brochures saying that a twelve year anti corrosion warranty, together with major service intervals and a comprehensive customer care package could all be yours, provided you chose the right of 2 lands (Romans 10 to 9 "Believe it with your Head" ) put your sexual chocolate on the market and inflate your sunken rib-cage in order to opt for the burred wood gear lever knob and the Votex 7 spoke alloy wheels, the colour keyed front and rear bumpers and front centre arm rest, all included but all exclusive of fleet management fees, sales assistance and leaseback.

* A full range of credit facilities are available, ranging from Death on a Stick to Purloin Purchasing agreements linked to a variable Finance House base rate, using current Shit Adjustment Tables, while you operate your vehicle privately, and go mental at the wheel, allowing you great peace of mind, and a wide choice of mileages, to satisfy your rampant outward urge, as you attach yourself firmly to the aluminium trim strips, opt for retractable rear centre lap belts, front bumper integrated rear screen aerials, Sienna upholstery, Competition-Standard alloy nut and beef toppings, and automatic handbag release.

Animals Have Mercy!

Animals Have Mercy for now and forever, it's the evil that men and women do that makes them come together. They winter frosted and froze you my friends but you got up again and stapled your twisted genome back on your head. Where animals snack and smack the bark, we inject the jewels to our pockets and they and meat meet mark

Read more: Animals Have Mercy!

The Caged Lady of Buchan

Isabel Macduff, the caged lady of Buchan, and sister of the Earl of Fife, who was also attached to the cause of King Robert the Bruce, was the subject of a well-known Buchan verse.

Read more: The Caged Lady of Buchan

Naff Dress Code


True Dinner


"Potomas Porch", "Horsey House" and "Lama Lodge" are still available

FLIGHT PATHS OF MAJOR AIRPORTS

Germane Auditories, Obverse Excuses for exploitation,

(with Minor devils)

And being a flourishing branch of the noble family of, we will also be performing


(with all night)


Bones, Hairs, Nails and Teeth

 

To Meta

In the juvenilia of one of the earnest poets of the past we are astonished at their seeming education and their grasp of language and forms that we cannot start to use.  I think of Matthew Arnold’s ‘To Meta’ probably written about 1849. 

Read more: To Meta

Authors!

I GOT THIS LETTER, I THINK IT MAY BE SPAM:  Someone said that they had seen you coming out of a 'Christian Bookshop, whatever that is, and that Christianity is a kind of God-thingy.

Which is perfect. So this is in the way of being an offer of a contract for the a series, provisionally entitled EASTEROGEN! that we are starting up.

Read more: Authors!