A New Sports Journal

I thought of signing you up for a new sporting digest I would create called "Aiyya My Knee."

There is purpose, there is direction, there were two reasons.

1. My present unhealthy fascination with a group of tricolour-waving Vatican Storm-troopers masquerading as a football team in the East End of Glasgow.

2. The joys of reading echt-Anglo-Scots as purveyed by a genuine Sub-polar crazed sportswriter, and not that of irredeemably fey Cambridge educated fictionalists and allied poetasters.

However, I have taken pity on you and have decided to keep football as a solitary vice - which is after all, the way I like my vice - like the cattle prod and the two female iguanas I haven't got round to telling you about. It is a very gross tableau. Once more you are spared.

King James Counterblaste to Tobacco

King James I and VI, advice to smokers.  King James Ist and 6th, for he was famously and simultaneously both — was King of Scotland as James VI from July 1567 and King of England and Ireland as James I from the union of the English and Scottish crowns on 24 March 1603 until his death.

As well as being the first big Unionist on the scene (#indyref) the King was a keen writer, and among other things, now described by academics and critics as 'minor prose works', wrote what we would now call an essay, titled A COUNTERBLASTE TO TOBACCO.

The kingdoms of England and Scotland were individual sovereign states in those days, with their own parliaments, judiciary, and laws, though both were ruled by James in personal union.  I can't work it out either, although his stance on tobacco was clear.

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Enthusiasm Bores Me

Happy climacteric! What news from along the Rialto? Little or none - other than I continue to ignore good advice. Be not solitarie, Be not idle. And I pay the price in black bile, and further my apprenticeship (long and tiresome) in lycanthropy by dint of correspondence (shouting) with the screen.

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George Fox

Did George Fox have any secrets? No, precisely the same problem faced by many a similar prophet, the same curse that governs so much of today’s celebrity. The affair of George Fox's Journal drags on with its author’s unswerving eye on glory; despite the trouble, the tumults, the outrage, happily displaying a talent for repetition. That’s the final curse on those who have no secrets, a gradually reducing list of things to say. Such repetition points to a moderation in his opinion, he is no religious maven, merely a NUT. Never know where you are going and glory only in the accolades which you award yourself. Faith inaction? Solomon Eccles renounced music teaching and sold his virginals and viols, but feeling guilty, purchased them back and burned them. As McCauley said — The Puritans hated bear-baiting not because it gave pain to the bears but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.

Cream of Buddha

In the traditional account of the Buddha, when he realised the extreme pointlessness of asceticism, he accepted a reasonable meal and sat down to look for another path. In effect, the Buddha accepted a still relatively disciplined asceticism, but one which supplied him with the correct balance of minerals, nutrients and vitamins to reach the required nirvanic heights.


The Buddha was soon to designate this more measured asceticism "The Middle Path", for it was a route which avoided the heights of sensual indulgence and the self-mortification he had realised as harmful, and one which also provided him with a balanced mental pleasure. All of this, the Buddha found under a tree, and within a bowl of soup - and although the tree is long dead, the soup is just the same today as it was 2500 years ago.


Campbell's Cream of Buddha™ is a richly meditative soup which can help you resolve the contradictions of daily life. While providing the healthy and balanced nutrition that your body needs, Cream of Buddha also tastes as delicious as undelimited space.


Try a bowl of Campbell's and you'll feel ready to extinguish your soul. "Thirst and craving," said the Buddha Gotama, "is that which drives the whole mass of suffering forward," - so drive yourself home tonight, and drown away the tanhã by seeking the Noble Path to Campbell's Cream of Buddha.™

The Highway Code


The Three Cardinal Rules of THE HIGHWAY CODE are * :


1.    Wave your arms in order to get the driver to slow down.

2.    Drivers : try not to cram your mouth with pies while driving. You will not be able to speak on your mobile phone.

3.    Always follow the car in front unless they are driving right at you.

TRAIN RIDE: Some tea some tea with milk and sugar, the ticket inspector's holstered Lüger, this is the Mirror that carries the man back to his day in Aberdeen or Heyford way, that chap must fly across the land on moral rails you understand, to get his whooshing scenr'y hiss, to spray the chunties with his piss, to Berwick with his postal order presenting cheques to cross the border, fleeing from well-set Edinburgh where wank perfection's always thorough where croissant shaped the city style where minkers line the Royal Mile, he bumps through England now upon the train INSANE! he now believes!

IN THE MAIL: Several brochures saying that a twelve year anti corrosion warranty, together with major service intervals and a comprehensive customer care package could all be yours, provided you chose the right of 2 lands (Romans 10 to 9 "Believe it with your Head" ) put your sexual chocolate on the market and inflate your sunken rib-cage in order to opt for the burred wood gear lever knob and the Votex 7 spoke alloy wheels, the colour keyed front and rear bumpers and front centre arm rest, all included but all exclusive of fleet management fees, sales assistance and leaseback.

* A full range of credit facilities are available, ranging from Death on a Stick to Purloin Purchasing agreements linked to a variable Finance House base rate, using current Shit Adjustment Tables, while you operate your vehicle privately, and go mental at the wheel, allowing you great peace of mind, and a wide choice of mileages, to satisfy your rampant outward urge, as you attach yourself firmly to the aluminium trim strips, opt for retractable rear centre lap belts, front bumper integrated rear screen aerials, Sienna upholstery, Competition-Standard alloy nut and beef toppings, and automatic handbag release.

Duchamp's Demonic Brilliance

Marcel Duchamp was not just a lord of art --- glib, condescending and effortlessly virtuoso — but a great poet, and a demonic.

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Hem and Haw

Supermodulated information can be put into the brain at varying intensities from subliminal to perceptible. Each person's brain has a unique set of bioelectric resonance/entrainment frequencies. Sending audio information to a person's brain at the frequency of another person's auditory cortex would result in that audio information not being perceived. A 1994 congressional hearing reported that nearly half a million Americans were subjected to some kind of cold war era tests, often without being informed and without their consent. In addition, experimentation law is well grounded in constitutional and international law. It is an under-reported fact that two major reports on human rights and torture in the U.S. recently listed illegal radiation experiments. Many more facts are documented below. Therefore, human research subject protections should be a high priority and are just as significant as current issues of torture and illegal wiretapping. It is time for people to protect the Whistleblowers who are our last line of defense against dictatorship and despotism. It is time for people to take responsibility for oversight of our tax payments. There is no Special Access Program beyond the oversight of political leaders elected by the people and for the people. That is the true definition of Communism and a Police State, no oversight. So fellow World Dwellers, you may hem and haw in the face of truth but know that one day you will realize that your planet has been USURPED from the very people from whom it was intended; you.


Far ere's slurry ere's sillar? Nae here. Boyndlie is an estate as opposed to a village, or you might like to picture it as a scattered community of farms and other houses.

Boyndlie House lies about six miles SW of Faserburgh, and is a seat of a branch of the Forbes family - although I know the family as being called Ogilvie-Forbes, as have been for at least a century.

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Mutter Küsters' Fahrt zum Himmel

Mutter Küsters' Fahrt zum Himmel (1975).  Rainer Werner Fassbinder, starring  Brigitte Mira, Ingrid Caven, Karlheinz Böhm and Margit Carstensen.

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Greatness Revisited

The idea of great artists came to me long after I’d learned to paint.  You could find out who I considered to be great, but that would only tell you something about me.

You could make your own list to the same effect but what good would that do you? You would be as well listing the great flowers of all time, the greatest icebergs in the world, the towns with the greatest air, or the greatest breadsticks that ever were made. Kiel has the greatest canal in Europe. Or myaybe it does not and perhaps the honour is due to Venice or to Manchester.

You’ll find that there are so many great things in the end that you're wasting your time with this policy, and the only thing that stops everything from being great, is yourself.

Try it now. Try and say something nice next time you open your mouth. You might be able to manage it once but you probably can’t keep it up for very long. If you’re like me, you’re a cynic because you’ve been bred a cynic ... and you see so much of the world as a chance for you to shine with your luminous criticism. It's all you and me have, and it's what keeps us from the rarity of greatness ...

What Was Psychogeography?


In the 1950s psychogeography was earnest, modest, miniscule, and made no difference.

It makes me wonder too, why not just tear a page out and say it was an accident or something if anyone asks?

In the 1960s psychogeography was melded to the New Urbanism.  Architecture was the simplest means of articulating time and space, of modulating reality, of engendering dreams, and the few who knew this had more liberty to express it than they even dreamed of.  The years were HALCYON.




Living in Europe and speaking 5 languages isn't that crazy especially since there is a lot of crossover among them.

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Autumn Losses

There have been some dreadful losses this autumn.

Our much derided minister, Rev Peter Burnett was unluckily killed when his collection of the complete works of John Calvin fell from their shelf above his bed while he was shagging young Elsie Deens and cracked his skull, thus cheating him of his first sexual climax since taking the (slightly soiled) cloth. 

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