It has been raining for five days - The Aberdeen Eveing Express claims worst February in the recorded meteorological history of the city - and everyone in the town is depressed about the true picture of things terrestrial. The rain stopped but Newmachar was cut off and the road to Milltimber flooded, Dyce flooded &c... so Donald and I stepped out to relieve our spirits. We rose this morning, in beautiful sunshine, and it seemed to us spring was here, and so we smoked a pipe and a reefer and exited the flat for to view the architecture of Aberdeen in the radiant glory of the sun, before grubbing around stoned in the second hand bookshops. It is later in the day, and Donald has gone and I have calmed down. These are my spring days, repeated annually now...
We do not go to church and are not religious in what we refer to as "the conventional sense." We do believe in a "higher power" and in a transcendent morality and we love to see the sun shining through stained glass windows. We love beautiful old rhyme but prefer to spend Sunday morning in bed, or with our eyes upon the newspaper.
We approve of the Elizabethan concept of immutability, but it does not run in the blood. Life is not nasty, brutish and short. We are intrepid in opinions we have heard and which can be backed up by at least two separate arguments. We often argue that religion is dangerous or bad, so we rely on journalists to bring order to the lack of cause or consequence in the world.
We are of the sprint and not the marathon. Tremendous excitement is what we mean by joy and when we sit down to our dinner, or to watch our television, we fully expect to be there 25 years later. When forced to choose we panic and settle on the immediate material, and although God is off the radar, we still secretly require something to lend authority to our morals.
Aberdeen Journal, 31st August 2037:
The suburb of Gilcomston, which last week fell to the Gibleteers (one time of Holburn), is to be destroyed this evening at 6PM. The last team of arbiters, which left the area at noon on the 30th, complained bitterly at the state to which the citizens of "unoccupied” Aberdeen have been reduced.
"It stands to reason," said Chief Moderator Frunkie Meldrum, "that when one section of a populace lay claim to such a large proportion of the pies, the rest will begin to bray for blood."
Two questions arise. Who produces this webpage, and then who reads it?
I says like this : listen you money-hungering server owners and bloodthirsty porn purveyors, that bleeding FHM website is full of lies and the lassies in it are all bollocks. It is high time they lassies realised what they were doing and put their faith in more sensible employment, such as working in a record shop, or selling programs at the game, and then you shopkeepers with your middle to top shelf nasties, would be put to shame.
And then I says to them, that LOADED website is worse, and everyone that looks at it dies after a short illness.
MUTATION: Charm: With this power, you can exude a pheromone that makes all humans in the area trusting, happy, and generous. Honest, too. You're not completely immune to your own power, however!
SOCIETY: Death Leopard: The Death Leopards do whatever they can to have fun. That's what it's all about, right? And what's more fun than explosions, gunfire, and wreckin' shit?!
Your mission today is to set fire to at least five things and/or three people. You've got a pocket full of IgnaLight Stickers just for that purpose. Just stick one to something, scratch it, and... Well, at that point try to get a few feet away.
The Tesco lager was an almost translucent, yellow colour, with a good amount of carbonation and short-lived, white head. The immediate aroma was of floral hops with some grassy tones, followed by a little graininess, and some faint malt in the background. Shortly after that I was flinging CDs across the room at Tadg, who was trying to play the trombone.
My favourite passage in Robert Louis Stevenson's Kidnapped is the episode in which David Balfour is shipwrecked on the island of Erraid. I sometimes think that Kidnapped goes downhill after the Erraid sequence. There is the hike across Mull and then the chasing through the heather, none of which attends the climatic drama of the early chapters, and the plot settles into true road-movie territory. Whenever I read the book, I always find myself returning to that old Erraid magic!
Slept all morning. Children's party all afternoon, Sighthill, Edinburgh. Sweet and polite group of kids. Basket scampi at the softplay. Watched MAKE ME AN OFFER (1955) starring Peter Finch, then all episodes of Nathan Barley. The most ideal weather. Last night, good company, Tadg, Andrew, Kenny. XLV: A type of gramophone record classified by its revolution speed of 45 cycles per minute. Refers also to the Jacobite rising in Scotland. One half of a football game! My boys were so pleased to see me at lunchtime. They wrestled on top of me for twenty minutes, trying to get best position for tickles. The weather is ideal, giving the day an endless quality. Turning to think of the future. Focus on completing a new book this month. 0 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 + 6 + 7 + 8 + 9 = 45. Counting in triangles.
by Peter Burnett
Consumerism, passivity, apathy and distraction.
The internet is no place to attempt changing anything that matters.
A young Scottish Borderer, Alan Stewart, struggles to come of age in a world he knows only through the world wide web.
PART ONE: Lord Justice-Clerk Ormiston was called the Curse of Scotland. And when the Ladies were at Cards, the Nine of Diamonds (also commonly called the Curse of Scotland) was known to them as The Justice Clerk. In the 18th century in Scotland, the nine of diamonds was considered to be the most unlucky card in the deck.
Ormiston was one of the Commissioners promoted to inquire into the Massacre of Glencoe on 28 May 1695, and he became unpopular because of the powers awarded to his position in order for him to reach conclusions in the muderous affair. In February 1699 he succeeded Lord Raith as Treasurer-depute of Scotland, which he retained until the accession of Queen Anne, when he was dismissed from all his offices.
Later however, he obtained a commission appointing him a second time as Lord Justice Clerk, dated 8 January 1705, and was at the same time appointed to succeed Lord Whitelaw as a Lord Ordinary in the Court of Session, a place he retained until his death, in his 79th year.
The connection between Ormiston and the playing card is surely rooted in Glencoe. If you need reminding, John Dalrymple, 1st Earl of Stair was Scottish lowland noble who convinced King William to sign an order to extirpate the clan McDonald in a heinous event known as the Massacre of Glencoe. Extirpate here meaning something like — root out and destroy.
Scotland was outraged, especially when King William absolved both himself and the Earl of any wrongdoing. The Dalrymple coat of arms features nine diamonds arranged like the playing card, so it is very likely that the nine of diamonds became associated with the much-hated Dalrymple.
Now Read PART TWO.
Envy, lust, sensuality, lies, and all known vices are the negative, "dark" aspect of journalism, which can manifest itself in two ways. In the positive sense, it appears as a "humourous piece," creatively animating the opponent of the writer, and smearing them for entertainment.
These are the writer's rights that have been mentioned so often...
In the negative sense, the same writing manifests itself as a spirit of attack on all of society, as a drive to destroy, and enslave.
As has already been pointed out, the journalists who personify these vices as "the spirit of Murdoch" and called it, with no good reason, objective reporting, have contributed to the genuine journalistic duplex (the two-faced, dual effort) we receive. We are not the media, any more than we are Scottish Power, General Motors, or any other corporate interest.
My favourite passage from Robert Louis Stevenson's writing is a day in the life of one who believes himself castaway on Erraid.
A sea-bred boy would not have stayed a day on Earraid; which is only what they call a tidal islet, and except in the bottom of the neaps, can be entered and left twice in every twenty-four hours, either dry-shod, or at the most by wading. Even I, who had the tide going out and in before me in the bay, and even watched for the ebbs, the better to get my shellfish—even I (I say) if I had sat down to think, instead of raging at my fate, must have soon guessed the secret, and got free. It was no wonder the fishers had not understood me. The wonder was rather that they had ever guessed my pitiful illusion, and taken the trouble to come back. I had starved with cold and hunger on that island for close upon one hundred hours. But for the fishers, I might have left my bones there, in pure folly. And even as it was, I had paid for it pretty dear, not only in past sufferings, but in my present case; being clothed like a beggar-man, scarce able to walk, and in great pain of my sore throat.
Supermodulated information can be put into the brain at varying intensities from subliminal to perceptible. Each person's brain has a unique set of bioelectric resonance/entrainment frequencies. Sending audio information to a person's brain at the frequency of another person's auditory cortex would result in that audio information not being perceived. A 1994 congressional hearing reported that nearly half a million Americans were subjected to some kind of cold war era tests, often without being informed and without their consent. In addition, experimentation law is well grounded in constitutional and international law. It is an under-reported fact that two major reports on human rights and torture in the U.S. recently listed illegal radiation experiments. Many more facts are documented below. Therefore, human research subject protections should be a high priority and are just as significant as current issues of torture and illegal wiretapping. It is time for people to protect the Whistleblowers who are our last line of defense against dictatorship and despotism. It is time for people to take responsibility for oversight of our tax payments. There is no Special Access Program beyond the oversight of political leaders elected by the people and for the people. That is the true definition of Communism and a Police State, no oversight. So fellow World Dwellers, you may hem and haw in the face of truth but know that one day you will realize that your planet has been USURPED from the very people from whom it was intended; you.
Certainly it will elucidate the drift of the foregoing obscure utterances of this blog if I here insert something of our webhost’s speculations on party politics. To state an entire opinion on this is beyond my compass however let me observe this that nowhere is a human more mysterious, impalpable, than in his or her fantasy of being the organ of the Godlike.
I thought of signing you up for a new sporting digest I would create called "Aiyya My Knee."
There is purpose, there is direction, there were two reasons.
1. My present unhealthy fascination with a group of tricolour-waving Vatican Storm-troopers masquerading as a football team in the East End of Glasgow.
2. The joys of reading echt-Anglo-Scots as purveyed by a genuine Sub-polar crazed sportswriter, and not that of irredeemably fey Cambridge educated fictionalists and allied poetasters.
However, I have taken pity on you and have decided to keep football as a solitary vice - which is after all, the way I like my vice - like the cattle prod and the two female iguanas I haven't got round to telling you about. It is a very gross tableau. Once more you are spared.
The DRINKARD's Aberdoniensus
The Combined Technical Jargon of Bev
These are all words and phrase which we have picked up from researches into the Scottish-Aberdonian way of speaking. We are three American students from New York who are in Scotland because of the unique words which they use here, and the Peter Burnett Website has let us publish what we have collected so far.
We hope that you enjoy the words and that you send us more if you hear any while you are in Aberdeen!