As a subscribed "Friend of Unst" you are entitled to a regular digest of all the Local Doings on the island as well as a quarterly "fry" of chops (or saucermeat) and all for $59.99 a year.
Since your last visit to Unst we have seen the forced departure of Malcolm and Cassandra Pepys from the 'Bide Awa' in Baltasound, due to a disagreement over boundaries with the North Sea. The eviction of Mr and Mrs Pepys saw scenes of unprecedented English lunacy from Malcolm as he tried, unavailingly, to reform the tidal nature of the oceans with an ornamental arch of Huddersfield Brick. It is believed that the Pepys' have emigrated to Bangladesh "to see how they fu**ing like it". We hope his butchery experience serves him well.
This left a sad hole in the tourism infrastructure and of course in the wife-fighting team of the island, so we were glad that the 'Bide Awa' quickly attracted New Owners (and who wouldn't want to own this gorgeous guest outlet?) Johnnie and Babs Dalrymple, originally of Callander in Mozambique, have brought a great deal of unwonted energy and colour to the island, and indeed the whole place is buzzing with expectation at the thought of having such rhythmic people in our midst.
Elsie Johnson at the Cooked Meats and Frost Fish dealership said that this should give us the edge on Yell in all the sprint finals in this years' Shetland Sports, and we were surprised indeed to find that the Dalrymples are Full Christians and have very few 'extra' dietary needs, though the Special Constabulary are still on Red Alert, just in case.